Saturday, April 29, 2006

Continue....

Sunday, 2nd April 2006

10:20am
I'm so sorry that I'd always hurt you whenever you mention about our future..how we will be together..I'll always said that it might not be ME! I just can't - cos u deserve someone better - and it is just not ME..to think and talk about the future just worries me and I'm still lost, so lost and so sorry for putting you in such an awkward situation and giving your families such a big false hope...so sorry

You always ask me - is this the life that I would always want to be with you - without any commitment??? A year, two years, three years..how long I want to be like this?? keep on running from reality...and choose to be in this same situation/condition.... I'm so selfish - always not taking care of your feelings and just don't care enough for lots and lots of things.. Do you really sees what you want?? Are you really that sure of it?????

You always said I don't like to ask favour from you ..I tend to do things without asking your help... Maybe it is because I feel that by doing all things by myself - I'll be more incharge of my own life ..doesn't want to be dependent on anyone...cos I'm so afraid that one day..I'll be alone again..........

Saw this today : A woman happiness is 'He loves me'
A man happiness is 'She deserve my love'

Just can't stop my mind wandering around....keep on pushing myself to the end.......... how????

Late Noon : 3:00pm

Suppose to be at the center to check out the location and place early morning but just feel so lazy to bring myself there...

Phone keep ringing - calling me from the center..arghhh...have to drag myself to there..get into the taxi, OMG - the taxi driver don't know where is King's Commercial Center..and I have to guide him there..and how would I know where is it only based on the first day look from the trip to my hotel... got round and round Miri but still can't find the center..got call from my colleague..then only manage to find the place..The taxi driver charge me RM30 for the trip where he himself dunno the place and I have to guide him : (

Trip to Miri....

Just came back a few days ago after a long long trip to Miri... Things are happening here and there along the stay at there... Thought I could use this trip to sort out my mind !! Am I really able to ????

1st April 2006 (2:00 pm)
Reached Miri airport - feeling very hungry since my last breakfast early in the morning... didn't have anything at the plane - cos they only serve - Nasi Lemak : (

So the first thing when I reached the airport - is to get something to eat...Never know that a 'Butter Milk Bun' would taste that nice (And it is the only nice bun from Ma Bakery, Miri)

When to Mega Hotel - place where I'll be staying for 26 days. It is situated in the town center..a quiet place..

Nite comes softly.... have some rest and then after taken my bath - decided to go to the nearest supermarket to get some milk and oats and drinks and most wanted a pair of comfortable shoes cos what I had on my feet was my high heel.. Manage to get the things I wanted and walk back from Imperial Mall situated in front of the hotel and have my dinner at Ming Cafe - nice place with nice food (as most places at Miri serve lousy food).

The main reason I choose to come to Miri for work - is b'cos I need to have some space and time to really think about what I want in my life... Will I be alright alone?? Will I be able to be independent?

Sitting near the room window - looking at the wonderful nite scene of miri coast..thinking about 'You' ..thought I'm able to be away from you..but it is so hard..tears keep falling from my cheek...in my mind - I'm so confused - why my action is to leave you but my feeling is not??? Felt so lonely..and lost...what I want? Keep on asking myself....just dunno...scare and confuse...