Friday, January 11, 2008

?? 爱 ??

终于明白,
爱情,就象是模特身上那件美丽的衣
穿在别人的身上,总是耀眼而美丽
穿在自己的身上,就成了小丑的戏

爱,
绝不是缺了就找
更不是累了就换
生活不是一个人好好的活
是两个人如何一起好好过

声音还在耳边,讯号拉进了天涯的距离
可距离仍然是这样的现实的阻断着,无法触摸到你
只能从均匀的呼吸节奏声中,搜寻那点点暧昧的气息

然间,感觉来到了沼泽地
恐惧、害怕朝我袭来,夹杂着那些温暖,凌乱的碎片
才觉得,除了感觉,我没有抓到任何
不知道站在沼泽地的我,还能支撑多久
下降的速度取决与我是否全力挣扎
而前方等着我的,是化身成泥,
傻的是,却心欢喜

我没有奢求
只想用力地搂着你
放声地哭
痛快地流一次泪

爱情并不是风筝,
放出去还可以收的回来
放出去的是爱情,
收回来的总是伤心
只有孤独的,孤单的,孤寂的
在,别人不明了的,心情中,去怀伤,去叹息……

Trust, Promise, Relation & Heart

Never break four things in your life - Trust, Promise, Relation & Heart
because when they break they don't make noise but pains a lot.

- Charles

MissiNg AnGeL ; (

Last Nite - my little angel was not with me...
The very first time since a year ago that my angel was not with me...

Thought so many things happened and I should be too tired to feel anything and could just fall asleep easily..
But I just couldn't.......................
His is with me for a year .... and I blame myself for not able to be responsible for him...
This is the second time that I failed to be a mum....
I really hate myself for not able to be with him......
How pain is it to feel that you failed again....again...again....
How irresponsible am I..........
I am not really fit to be anyone's mum...
Cos I can't provide them with care along their growth...........
Just felt so sorry ...so sorry ... my little one........ and my bigger one
sorry to both of you ........

The very first time - 14 years ago ... I'm vulnerable...helpless....unknowledgable..
So I got to let go.... It hurts me whenever I think back of this moment...
Where you are not able to care for him when he's so small...so new to the world...
He's a part of you for so long and it takes enormous pain and courage to bring him to the world...
But you got to part with him after 2 days..... so pain and so sorry, my bigger one

Now - thought I could make up of what happened before - just wanna be with the little one - to care and shower him with love and joy along his growth ...
Again - I failed........ such failure really bring me down...... and just felt that I'm so so so so sorry
Letting the little one and the bigger one - dissapoint again....
My heart was torn when the little one was brought away... hearing him cry makes me felt so wrong...
Knowing him cry - breaks my heart...
Though he's so small yet he's so bright... he knows me and needs me...
But I have to leave him.... so sorry .....
I could not ask forgiveness.... as I'm such a failure and useless

Already set up a blog for the little one - thought I could show it to him one day ... his growth with me beside...
But now... i dunno ... I'm too shame to let him know that I'm not able to accompany him along his growth..
Again .. things happened with my little angel and my bigger one
So much pain and I do blame myself so much........... so much......

Mummy love you, Damien and Darren...