Thursday, April 10, 2008

New Life !

On Dec 2007, we separated for the last time and
he left for a life apart from our family.
The pain cut deep and I became entangled in a maze of darkness and grief.
Grief for the mate I lost and the love I had wanted.

In the depths of my grief I had to rebuild my life and care for my little angel.
Daily tasks became my anchors in a sea of cold despair.
His leaving left me emotionally raw and the pain was searing into my very soul.

I felt that he had rejected my love, betrayed my trust, my existence had not been enough to keep him happy and with me.
He had become his disease.
Living with this man who needed so much had drained me and made me unable to focus clearly on anyone but him.
Now that he was gone, I could focus on my little ones and on myself.

Loss requires one to deal with the pain...
to deal with the changes that occur when loss is a part of your life...

I had lost my love, and my man. I was alone in my home, the only adult.
My little ones needed me to be strong.
They needed me to make all the decisions,
they needed me to put aside my emotional trauma and to function for them.

I relied heavily on my faith... which it's so hard thru the silent, lonely n darkest nites...
I had to have time to grieve.
I needed to acknowledge my loss and to accept that this relationship was over.
It was necessary to feel the full extent of the pain, in order for me to say goodbye.
Once my pain was felt in full, and I could say that my mate was gone; then, and only then could I close the door on my pain, and open a new door to my new life.


In the depths of gloom I no longer sit, for time is a gift, and does not wait
I walk in light and fill my days with tasks achieved in love, and filled with grace
My thoughts now warm and full can at times without pain recalling him...

What you can feel, you can heal.
It is possible to feel true happiness again.
Healing your broken heart may be a difficult and long road.
Learn from your mistakes and make yourself a better person.

Some day I will call him and I will thank him for breaking my heart.
Someday when I let go and am ready tolove again, I will appreciate the pain.
Because the PAIN is what lets us truly know we are alive.

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